Thursday, December 13, 2007

i cut my hair really short and i looked fucking hott!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

in the first i had a huge chest tattoo. when my friends asked if they could see it i immediately ripped my shirt off and stood there so that everyone could observe my new piece of art.

in the second i was staring out my grandmother's window looking at the moon rising over the mountains. suddenly the moon was hit by something so big that it spun away from earth. it quickly spun back into its original moon spot but there was a huge chunk missing from where it was hit. so the moon kept spinning and spinning until it was perfectly round again.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Monday, December 3, 2007

The crypt keeper and past flames

I don't remember much, but the dream was dark, spooky, and strange. I should probably be embarrassed about it, or parts of it, but I'm not.
It felt like one of those dreams that exist somewhere else when I am awake and waits for me to dive into them again when I close my eyes.
I don't think I am going to write about it, too elaborate.
I went to bed at 5am last night and dripped into sleep. At this point, I am awake far more than I am asleep, but it is a dream filled wakefulness.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

30 minutes

Last night, when I finally closed my eyes, I dreamt about waking up.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

in the last dream that i remember my mom told me that my crazy uncle rich had passed away. i was upset that she told me over the phone and i was very hostile towards her. the situation was awful. i was awful.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Father on a window ledge

I dreamt that my father was walking back and forth on a small ledge outside my two windows at night. I knew that he had come to visit me and had climbed up the outside of the building, now we talked through the windows about things i cannot remember. I wanted him to come in, upon opening the window he leapt backwards, flat like a board. It was a troubling sight to see him fall backwards into the darkness and disappear. I thought that he was just joking, and that he probably had a parachute, or something on him that would let him land safely, soon he would climb back up. What he had with him was napalm though, and when he landed in it he received third degree burns all over his body, I learned as much from a newspaper.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

auditions.

i was trying to get cast in the new beetlejuice movie. my audition was done in a small, white rectangular room with two cameras. one person auditioned at each camera at the same time. the whole setting was digital and you didn't know what it looked like until you started your audition and you saw yourself on the side screen doin' your thang. the digital setting was a news studio and i had to be an anchor woman. some professional actor was auditioning next to me. i think it was dave coolier from fullhouse. he nailed his second take and i was awful.

David Letterman, rotting wood, and unidentified infants

I was a guest on Letterman twice. The studio was filled with bright white items, there were lacy white table cloths on circular tables and all of the walls were white as well. There was a long white couch for guests. I wasn't really there as a guest, I was just supposed to stand onstage for some reason or another. I spent a lot of time waiting backstage and essentially outside the studio in an underpass sort of area. In another portion of my dream, my roommate Erin and I moved into a beautifully decrepit loft-like building. It was rather narrow and everything seemed slightly out of proportion. I can't really remember the story that occurred there, but I vaguely remember it being interesting to say the least. There was also a swimming pool near by where I ended up playing with an infant in the water while a few other people sat completely submerged with their children at the bottom of the pool. Eventually the pool was drained and those who had been at the bottom looked at me in a strange way as I held my laughing baby. I'm not actually sure who the infant belonged to.

locked out.

i thought of ways to break into my locked bedroom. my bedroom door kept unlocking whenever i pushed a secret button hidden within the door knob. i liked the sound of the door unlocking and i wouldn't or couldn't push my door open eventhough it was unlocked.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Day of the Dead

Mali and I were in a shop and she had just purchased some very strong sleeping pills. She was showing them to me and telling me about how strong they were, and that she was going to dupe someone with them somehow. We were then at a dinner party and Mali offered me a strange, watery looking glass of milk, i pointed out that it looked strange and she said she'd pour it into a different glass, she did, in the new cup i could see four pills floating on the top of the cup. I was outraged and stormed out of the building. Mali was very apologetic and chased me out of the building, trying to apologize. To make amends she offered me a bag of pills, in it was ritalin, adderall, and fake testosterone.

My family and I were looking for somewhere to eat, so we went into P.F Changs, this particular establishment was just a buffet in a dorm room, which was'nt really what i expected from that expensive of a resturaunt. I did'nt want to eat it because there was nothing vegetarian. We sat down and i started explaining to my mother why i had spent so much money on clothes. Then the table was a bed, and the room became more like a dorm,. I was trying to go to bed, but a small bear came in. Everyone was panicking about the bear and nobody knew what to do. I stood on the bed and grabbed hold of a large rope that was hanging from the ceiling, I swang towards the bear and gave it a solid blow. I swung high and did the same thing again. At this point i started swinging out of control, in every direction, higher and higher. I was very scared, there were a lot of people in the room, to avoid hitting them i had to strain my whole body to fight the centrifugal force and lift my feet up. I shut my eyes for a long time, hoping that i would stop swinging. finally i decided to open my eyes, when i did i saw that i had done so just in time, as there was a prime oppurtunity to dismount the rope. I did just that but was very disoriented. I tried to stay balanced and stumbled through the crowded room looking for the bear. I turned around and it was right there in my face, sitting on a bed that was at eye level. I jumped back, but realized that it was terribly wounded. it now lay on the floor, moaning and writhing around. I was incredibly upset by this sight, and i collapsed to the floor, overcome with grief for what i had just done. I sat in a heap with my head against a door, weeping. When i woke up, my face was covered with tears. I had been crying in my sleep!

golf war

my family and i were golfing up the stairs in our home. my mom cheated because she didn't start at the bottom like the rest of us gals. she went to the last step, the one right before the top landing, and hit the golf ball straight into my room. she claimed herself victorious and my sisters and i were very upset with her. the three of us began to talk smack when i arose.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

horderves

This afternoon I dreamt that I was on a bus with Conor and some other people on our way to an ethnic restaurant in South Boulder. On our way there I told Conor that every time I took the bus to this part of town the driver took a different route, which I found very exciting. We seemed to be riding the same bus in the same part of town that I had dreamed of once before. Once we got to the restaurant we went outside in the sun on their patio since it was summertime. We ordered a platter of these horderves that were like little artichoke hearts underneath a thick skin like on an avocado. There seemed to be a great deal of tradition behind the way you were supposed to eat them. Each time I ate one I had to peel off the skin and then scrape off the fuzz around the stuff in the middle. If it was cold out you were supposed to dip them in a sauce, but we didn't since it was so hot out. I just kept eating these things for hours and I was with all these other people but I didn't talk to any of them because I was so focused on the process of peeling each little "artichoke heart." They were all I could think about. I hardly knew the people I was with, but I felt this enormous closeness to everyone there since we were all eating these special little horderves together.

In the other bit of my dream I found a website that Noel had made for himself and added it to the list of websites on my facebook profile since I thought it was really neat. Immediately after I did this I realized that I hardly even knew Noel and he would think I was totally creepy, so I took it off my profile.

Piercing

I dreamt that I had a a throat piercing, with a ring right where my adams apple is. When I was at work, this guy who apparently also worked where I did, came up to me and took the ring out of its piercing and pierced his throat with it and pretended that he was the one who originally had a throat piercing. I was so upset at him and talked to the manager. She told him that he was violating the employee policy. The sad part is I don't remember whether he gave it back to me.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

lobster, phone, cup

I dreamt that Jessi and I were looking for some lobster outfits that we used to have, and used to use for something, and we wanted to do that thing again but we couldn't find the lobster suits, then i dreamt that i changed the ringtone on my phone, then i dreamt that my friend edie had a cup, that had previously been broken, but no longer was

achy, achy stomache

In my dream last night I spent all of my time in a yoga studio at Baseline and Broadway watching people do yoga. I didn't do any yoga, I just stood in the middle of the room and the instructor would point out to me her students that were really, really good at the poses. The yoga wasn't really yoga though, it was more like interpretive dancing.

At one point Sam came rushing into the yoga studio and was all upset because she had gone to the grocery store and couldn't find a cart to take her groceries out to her car. Jenny was there and was afraid that she had paid for her groceries and left them all at the store and she started to get mad at Sam. But Sam had gone to campus to get a cart she'd been using earlier that day and took it back to the grocery store.

After this happened I started thinking about how terrible my life was. In my dream I was in a relationship with this guy who was 20 years older than me and not very good for me and I wasn't doing a single thing with my life. I kept thinking about how I never ever felt happy and probably would never be happy again. I tried to think about all the wonderful memories I had from being a child, but I couldn't bear to. My stomach tightened up and I felt sick because I knew that I'd never again be as happy as I was when I was little. And I knew that eventually my happy memories would fade and I'd have nothing happy to think about. I was so completely overcome by sadness and hopelessness and worrying that my stomach ache became painful enough to wake me up. I woke up and my stomache really was aching from worry, but I immediately realized that I didn't have to worry about any of those things from my dream. This brought an enormous sense of relief.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

stolen goods

last night i had a dream that i stole a doughnut hole from the convenience store attached to the emporium (the convenience store i work at). some guy caught me and told me that i couldn't steal the doughnut hole. i didn't have any money on me but promised to pay them back. the cashier wrote on a business card that i owed him a dollar and gave it to me as a reminder. below my balance was a cartoon that he drew that i really enjoyed and he wrote at the very bottom, "next time you want to steal something be more sneaky. we really don't care."

Commercial

Last night I dreamt that I was in an enormous lecture hall that reminded me of Star Wars where the Senate would meet. Joan and I were telling everyone that we wanted to make television commercials for the radio. But this really really huge, gross looking lady insisted that she propose the idea instead. Joan and I were confused.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Perhaps . . .

We should not look to decipher what symbols mean in our dreams but instead try to find the desire that shapes the symbols; why those symbols are that meaning.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

What does it mean to be crazy?

I dreamt that I underwent Electroshock therapy. When I woke up from the treatment, I had amnesia.

Lobotomy

I dreamt that i had a lobotomy, it really helped

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

-

In realistically percieving the textures of dreams it is one of the most frustrating times to try to make yourself dream about what was so wonderfully hopeful; to try to fall asleep with that particularity in mind.


for why does one still hope for what he sees?
-
8:24
-
-
sv.

Gliding

Yesterday evening I climbed a mountain with Daniel and my sister, Molly. When we arrived at our destination there was a sign:


Before we started our life threatening descent we thought of other, more safe, options that we could execute... like taking the loooong trail. Daniel suggested that hang gliding would be the perfect way to exit our location.
In my dream last night I was gliding out of the peak where we were located. I don't remember feeling as though I was gliding. I felt like I was standing and the scenery was moving around me, but gliding was implied. I was really concerned about my hair... it was too long and greatly inhibited my movement.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

reminiscent

To fight these cars we were in a very blue expanse of land at dusk. We fought them in tents with a crowd behind us. That welling emotive competitiveness kept returning in my stomach as we tried to beat them. In our massive church service in a very high storied church--the floor we were on was still cathedral-esque but was in a larger city surrounded by skyscrapers--opposing forces were still among the throng. I'm not sure . . . I can't remember the name. In the basement was a very antagonistic car and I had to hurry up and down the back corner stairs until we finally tried to escape. Once free, in the hustle of big city plaza's, I began following a man with a cane, though he was accompanied by several relatives. I ended up having to pick up his cane and place it for him for any movement to occur and then finally when we came to a store I stretched far and placed his cane to the left as I hurried inside this retail shop.

Monday, October 22, 2007

.

I dreamt
while I was asleep.

Moss rafting

I dreamt last night, in the minuscule amount of time that I slept, that I was in a large park that was full of people and trees. The ground was covered with soft, bright green moss. There were tubes and long lengths of slip and slide like material which people were riding around on in rafts. Throughout the dream, different people were in the front of my raft but I was always in the back. No matter who was in the front, they would always jump off right before we went into one of the darkened tubes, leaving me alone with no way to steer. I think there was more, but I woke up a lot during this dream so it is hard to tell what was part of being awake and what was part of my sleep.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Moved to California

I had a dream that i had moved to california. I was in an apartment of someone who i had met on a train over there, i did'nt know them very well though, and i knew i would have to leave soon. I had left colorado very impulsively and i was quickly regretting not planning things out more. I was very anxious, because i did'nt know how to find a place to live, or how to get a job.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

We know what we know.

The past couple of days, I have woken up with the impression that my dreams had been composed of pure conversation. This morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. The last whisper from my dreamy conversations was "sus." In my dream/half awake reality I was aware that this was French. Upon further investigation, I discovered that sus means "known" in French. I wish I could remember more.

Library, Comedian, Phones

I was walking around the CU campus library with either my family, or with two women I met recently. The library was much larger, had some resturaunts in it, and outdoor catwalks, which were enormous and made out of stone. I had a distinct sense of deja vu, that i had either had this dream before, or actually been here before. Anyway, it was snowing a little and we were walking along this enourmous stone catwalk within the library.
We went inside and there was some conflict about where we would eat. Then we went to watch a stand up comedian inside the library, at this point it was clearly one of the women i'd met recently, The comedian was trying his best, and was pretty funny, regardless, people were slowly getting up and leaving, to his great dissapointment. Everyone was gone except for us, sitting in the back. Somehow it transitioned into a very physically intimate moment between me and the woman i was sitting with. which i remember liking but feeling a little uncomfortable as the comedian was undoubtedly watching us, as we were the only people in the audience.
Then i was walking around outside with my friend andy who recieved a call from a woman, he did'nt answer it though, he said that if you make em keep trying a few times then you have a better chance of "gettin' your D wet". I thought he was a really crass person, my phone then rang, and in my dream, i knew it was the same person who had just called andy and i intended fully to answer it. but then i popped awake and realized that my actual phone was ringing, it was the first time i've had such a distinct overlapping of dream and reality.

Friday, October 19, 2007

bits and pieces

I don't remember as much as I would have liked from my dream last night, but these are the three most interesting points.

* I was hanging out in the dorms and went to the room of my old best friend from high school who I haven't talked to in ages. There were some other girls in there too. After a few minutes I realized that I was completely naked. I felt so rude because I just wanted to be naked, but I was making everyone else terribly uncomfortable. So I tried to dress myself as quickly as possible, but I couldn't remember where I had left my clothes. I started to put on some pants that were laying next to me, but then realized that they were Michael's and that they wouldn't fit me. I borrowed some clothes from one of the girls in the room and wouldn't look at anyone the rest of the time because I was so embarrased.

* I became a member of a very hip, exclusive club where the members traded super obscure VHS film-noirs by mail. I just let mine pile up though and never watched them which I felt very bad about.

* My family owned a tiny miniature poodle and I walked into my room to see it shitting out of its mouth all over everything. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen and I ran to get my mom, but she got very, very upset with me for laughing at the situation.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I think, therefore I am not or Is you or is you ain't my baby (footnote.j)

Though this be true, I must nevertheless here consider that I am a man, and that, consequently, I am in the habit of sleeping, and representing to myself in dreams those same things, or even sometimes others less probable, which the insane think are presented to them in their waking moments. How often have I dreamt that I was in these familiar circumstances, that I was dressed, and occupied this place by the fire, when I was lying undressed in bed? At the present moment, however, I certainly look upon this paper with eyes wide awake; the head which I now move is not asleep; I extend this hand consciously and with express purpose, and I perceive it; the occurrences in sleep are not so distinct as all this. But I cannot forget that, at other times I have been deceived in sleep by similar illusions; and, attentively considering those cases, I perceive so clearly that there exist no certain marks by which the state of waking can ever be distinguished from sleep, that I feel greatly astonished; and in amazement I almost persuade myself that I am now dreaming.

Long Night

I should preface this by saying that last night was wine and cheese Wednesday and that consequently, I went to bed very drunk, which undoubtedly influenced my unconscious. I dreamt, constantly, all night last night. They woke me up, and some of them alarmed me. Being awake was less work than dreaming, so consequently I didn't get much sleep, but spent the interim between dreams thinking about the dreams and also about being awake, all night long until everything blended.
I can't remember most of it, only that all the dreams were borderline disturbing, and each time I woke up, I always wanted to call a friend to tell him about it, before realizing that said friend currently has no phone, and even if he did it's one, or two, or three in the morning.
Right now, I can only remember one of them clearly. Here it is.
I was at a deserted playground and walking along a railroad tie that older playgrounds tend to have as a means to separate the gravel from the grass. My friend Peter was there and we looked at the sun together. He mentioned that he wanted a chandelier. I told him they were expensive, but if he wanted we could drive out to this fairgrounds by the airport to look for a cheap used one. I calculated the mileage and gas and everything for him. We drove out the next day.
On the drive down, the car became a train and Peter became my father. We were nomads. We had no home except for the train car, which shortly became an old school bus. It was painted in bright colors exactly like one I saw with my father in real life when we went to Washington a few years ago. People were living in this bus and driving around sneaking fruit from orchards. Then we were in a buggy, being driven by a woman from Sumatra. There were oxen driving the buggy and she kept yelling at us. Some Jamaican renegades pulled up alongside us in a motorcycle. They yelled at the driver and she yelled back. I don't know how the nationalities of the people in my dream were determined, except that they were and that was that.
I felt very disturbed by the men on the motorbike. It felt like they were taking a piece of me away with them. Typically, in my violent dreams, someone I love is killed or hurt. This dream felt like it was going to end that way but it didn't. Instead, it felt like the men on the motorbike were stealing some abstract ephemeral part of myself and like I couldn't do anything to stop them. They pursued us and as the chase progressed the region we were in became less and less like the plains of Colorado and more and more like a rainforest.
Then I woke up.
When I fell asleep again, I had a series of dreams about arguing, and friendship, and loss, and ghosts, all so lifelike that when I finally woke up this morning I felt like the dreams were incorporated into my life and experience, and were just memories that I forgot, which is an unusual way for me to feel about my dreams.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Talking to his mom

"Do you want to be part of our family?"
me- "I do."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Stomach Acid and Fantastic Boats

I was watching a mat that was floating down what seemed to be a psychedelic oesophagus. The colors were those that you see in oil, spilled on concrete. So this strange mat was flying down the sluicing fluid and more mats were falling from the sky to arrange themselves next to the one that was there. I could control where the mats would fall, like a strange kind of tetris, but it did'nt really matter where they fell. I remember thinking that it was a really shit game. It then became apparent that it was an internet game to advertise the new harry potter movie, which had all new actors in it. I was then in a marketing meeting for the movie, but everyone in charge of marketing the movie were characters from the staff of hogwarts.
I was then back in the game but this time i was riding the mats down the torrent with the cast of harry potter, i reached out and touched the wall but the acid burned my hands.

Then i was in a Lord of the Rings movie. It was written by the studio, instead of J.R.R tolkien, so it was very bad, and set several years after return of the king. Again, all the actors were different, one of them was me. They were going to send us (the hobbits) home, but someone in charge said that we had been on land for very very long, and that we should take the most fantastic boat. So then we were sailing, and the aforementioned character was standing on the prow of this strange boat. but we were being followed by another large boat, so he panicked and threw himself overboard. He fell through the sky and landed on a giant electric keyboard, the size of a football field, he bounced off of two keys and the continued falling.

At this point it became apparent that we were not on a boat at all, but an enormous Hawk! with rich brown plumage and bright streaks of red and green. We were flying above the clouds, not water.

I also met someone who had managed to make a much better vortex bottle than I. I was impressed, but i don't know how they did it

Celebrity Dreams

Saturday night I had a dream with Billie Joe from Green Day. I had just sat down at a restaurant for a lovely dinner date when Billie rudely came over to my table and asked, "Are you excited for the concert tonight?" I thought, "Man, this guy is full of himself," but tastefully replied, "I'm sure it will be a good time for everyone who is there." Prior to my dinner I had helped set up the venue and I was well aware of how the concert was going to be played out. He continued to ramble on about his band and easily began to ruin my date. During his endless talking I somehow became aware that Billie had slept with my friend Spencer (who in my dream was very dirty and STD-filled) and was on a hunt to find more ass. I ended up leaving my date immediately after that thought and I ran to the zoo where I found Jessi. Jessi took me to her high school where we ran through all of the chemistry labs to find her old Chemistry teacher who was infatuated with Billie Joe. We eventually found her inbetween two labs in a room made of two walls and two doors. We stood, a frantic mess, in the small corridor and after catching our breath informed Jessi's teacher of Billie's ways. The teacher was glad that we had rushed to tell her of Billie's sexcapades because she was so ready to tap that. And then I woke up.

Last night I had a dream that I was doing an interview piece on the Olsen twins. One of the twins was dating another celebrity... like Aaron Carter. I interviewed the two at Santa Monica beach and Aaron was there. The two answered my questions fully except when I asked Twin #1 if she was dating Aaron. She answered in a way that completely ignored my question, but Twin #2 chimed in and said, "Why else would he be here?" making it quite obvious that they were an item. Twin #1 immediately ran off into the ocean, a bit frustrated with her other half, and seemed to forget all issues as she waded and giggled in the salt water. Twin #2 then ditched me for her other half. I walked away as they blissfully played in the ocean.

"stop thinking. . .start writing."

I dreamt that Tina told me, but only her voice,
close, even, and calm:

"stop thinking. . .start writing."

I woke up and looked over at her, but she was sleeping, turned toward the wall, snuggled under the covers.

I slid out of bed into the early morning dark,
and I wrote.



Monday, October 15, 2007

sketches, hair brush factories, and my grandpa Lyle

It was difficult for me to get to sleep last night, but once I finally started falling into it, I think my roommate asked if I was okay. I'm not sure why she asked, but her words echoed through my head right into the first part of my dream which took place in a big concrete filled room. Everything was gray and I was making pencil sketches on the floor. There was something significant about this part of my dream, or at least I felt there was because I woke up around 5am wanting to hold on to it. Sadly, so much of it has drifted away. As I went back to sleep before my 8'o'clock alarm, I found myself in a place that was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I was with my cousin and we were brushing our hair to prepare for something. We went to this warehouse to pick up new brushes and one of the workers got in trouble for giving me the newest one in stock. She presented it to me through a weeping willow-like array of cords. The warehouse was then filled with broken toys. I returned to the house, and at some point before my arrival, my head was suddenly filled with the knowledge that my Grandpa Lyle (who is still very much alive) had died. I had to tell my brother Cam and he burst into tears. I called my mom to tell her and she cried too. It hurt me so much to see them in pain, but I just kept waiting for my heart to understand that I had lost such a structural and comfortable part of my life with the loss of my dear grandpa. I returned to my dorm and told my roommate what had happened, I also told her that I had had a predictive dream of my grandpa's death three days before.
I woke up feeling as if life was just going to be made up of bulbs of loss connected by strings of mourning.

A Phone Call

I dreamed that right before i woke up i talked on my cell phone for 40 minutes. I don't remember what we talked about, but it was very realistic. upon waking i had to check my phone, to see if it had happened.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Preface: I’ve always slept well; so well that I rarely, if ever, remember my dreams. This blog has become a challenge for me. There exists conscious thought now in effort to catalogue whatever I may experience in the night. What I do remember is always disjointed and usually in black and white. So please forgive any vague descriptions, because in all likelihood I only remember two, maybe three short snapshots of my dreams.

From the semi-lucid note I left myself in effort to remember a dream I offer this:
There was a car, snow, my dad, and something had died. I remember whatever had died had at some point been on the car roof. I can’t remember whether it had fallen off the roof or not. I also remember my dad trying to knock of the snow from the edges of the windshield—ya know, the side parts that never get cleared because the windshield wiper blades aren’t long enough.
I dreamt that I was making love to Devendra Banhart in an attic.
The attic resembled my bedroom when I was a child.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

x-ray vision and the red light

Part of my dream involved a garage sale in which I was selling everything I owned out of a the fort that my roommate and I made under her bed. There was a red tint to everything. I was searching for this one particular item that a strange woman requested. This search took me to an old and very large house. I was looking through closets for the something, there was also a small child that I was supposed to be protecting during this time (from what, I don't quite recall). I woke up several times during my dreams, but it was a dreamy kind of awake, the kind that made be think that Erin's comforter was a man with long blond hair watching me sleep. Entering back into my dream, I was watching some sort of sexually explicit zombie monster movie, except I was inside the screen. There were captions apologizing for the lack of blurry censorship over the naked body parts. At one point a monster started kissing a woman and the whole scene turned to x-ray, which was grainy and generally repulsive in a really curious way. Forgotten bits aside, the dream ended when a family member (one who has recently started to invade my dreams) started criticizing me very harshly. I woke up feeling very strange, angry, and slightly afraid.

Military Smoothies

Jessi and I were behind a house, looking through some junk and talking, there was a lot of white and tan colors. Jessi was really upset that she had to join the military. I was trying to explain that women did not get drafted into the military but she would'nt believe me.
We went to the recruitment office, and it turned out i was right, it was just an informational thing, not a draft. So we wondered around and looked at all the little posters about the army until we came to a juice bar.
I asked the woman behind the counter if the smoothies (which appeared to 'naked' brand) were free. she said only if you were over 18. I told her we were both over 18, she then said she had a long neck. (which was a strange thing to say and i thought so in my dream.)
I went over to the DIY juice bar and spent a very long time going through all the smoothies in the cooler looking for the coldest one. until i got one that was frozen solid. I started bashing the container on the counter to try and loosen up the ice and make it drinkable, then i woke up.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Nicknames & Shit

I never remember much of my dreams anymore which is really frustrating.

The other night I had a dream where I had to nickname an old school mate. His real name is Terry but in my dream his name was Chris. The nicknames that I had to decide between were Big Chris and Crazy Chris. I decided Big Chris was more fitting because Terry is balls to the walls tall. In retrospect both nicknames are horrible. Crazy Chris is a bit better but only because its alliteration.

It was really weird that Terry was in my dream because I kind of forgot about his existence. Over the summer he drunk dialed my friend, Helen, while we were in Chicago. It was very random since they hadn't seen or spoken in four years. Coincidentally this dream occurred on Helen's birthday.



Today I skipped my math class and napped in the engineering library. I woke up every five minutes or so during the half hour period in which i chose to lay. In one of those five minute spans I had a dream where Jessi had shit in her hair. I didn't question the issue but said very blatantly, "You've got some shit in your hair," and woke up.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hazy

One of the strangest things about living in this new place is the effect it has had on my dreams. I still dream nearly everytime I fall asleep, but here it seems like my dreams are whisked away much quicker when I wake up, usually in those first hazy moments of consciousness. All the same, here is what I recall from my nap dream today (naps are wonderful!)

In part of the dream I was very sick, though I didn't feel ill or in pain, I just saw myself walking around wrapped in blankets with disgustingly pale, jaundiced skin. Every one else was treating me very carefully. I ended up accidentally spilling a bunch of brightly colored pills all over a friend's bunk bed and I spent a great deal of time trying to collect them while reassuring the friend that there were still plenty left by counting outloud as I picked each one up. The pills turned to small green beads between my fingers.
The next part of the dream involved me starting a job as a waitress in a restaurant with many stairs connecting dark wooden booths. I dropped some silverware and it clattered down towards a booth at the bottom of some steps. A veteran waitress who was just a few years older than me said that she was going to get some "tails" for us, then proceeded to explain that tails were the napkins that we used to pick up hot plates. I knew this already and told her so, in a tone that ended up being a lot harsher and stuck up than I intended. I apologized and the dream carried me to a throbbing blue room in which several of my college friends were gazing at the walls and waiting for me. I felt happy there.
Something I noticed about the feelings I experienced during my dreams had to do with how opposite the emotions of the two main chunks were. When I was ill, I felt very dependent on others, where as when I was starting my job, I felt a warm hope that I was working to take care of myself. The parts were different but almost responding to one another.
I wish I could remember more. My fleeting dreams are distressing me.

Bad Music, Protection, and Boils

I had three dreams last night!
I was sitting in a music lecture and the professor said she was going to play an exceptionally bad piece of music. She started to play a winderous igloos song, which i quite like, but worst of all was that my friend Jonathan was sitting next to me, and it was a song he had written. Somehow he had not yet realized that it was his song, so i distracted him by playing a game that involved bouncing a ball between us.
I was naked with a former partner, there was a lot of erotic foreplay etc. When it came to intercourse I was wearing so much protection that i couldn't actually feel anything. I didn't have a problem with it though. I thought that if she had a really good time she might want me back.
There was someone with a dense cluster of boils on their back, they were about a centimeter each, and there were perhaps twenty of them in a tight cluster. They were filled with a clear fluid and some kind of embryotic creature, perhaps an insect. I did'nt see the person's face, they were hunched over on a stool and a doctor had a dentist like drill/probe tool. He would push it in between the boil and the skin and the boil would come out, not like a boil would, but as an unbroken, transparent sphere. I was'nt at all creeped out by it in the dream

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Canal's and Courtney Love

Dreams were very incongruous. I dreamed that i was trying to save people who were stuck in a canal gate. The canal was full behind this dam, which was more like a giant rolling pin with water flowing out from under it. People were stuck under the rolling pin and they could'nt squeeze through, because it was too tight, but they couldnt get out, because the current was so strong. I was on the other side, trying to pull them through. Perhaps in an allusion to birth, i just needed to get their heads through, if i could do that then they would be okay.
Then i was on a talk show, like a jerry springer or maury type show. Courtney love was asking if anybody had read the book that she and her daughter had written together. the crowd, all responding the same, said no. All i could see was a close-up of her face. She started going off about how we were all so predictably fitting into our demographic. we were all agreeing. she looked somewhat like dolly parton though.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Heroin

I had a dream that i was in a car, going somewhere to buy some heroin. When we got there we had to wait in a different room until the person selling it was ready to see us, because right then he was dealing with someone else. when we went in, he was an obese naked man laying leasurely on his side in a white bed. the bed was just a mattress on the floor. He was naked but he was partially covered by sheets. He told us that he did'nt feel like selling us anything today, and that we should come back tommorow. He did this because he was in control and got a kick out of letting us know.
I was with a man and a woman. Me and the other man left, leaving our female friend in there with him. In an obscure way, i knew he had some sexual intentions for the female we were with. still, we left her there, forfeiting any kind of responsibility we may have had to protect her.
I went outside and was promptly, and very casually arrested. I was'nt particularly surprised, the policeman seemed quite smug, and thought it was funny. While we stood there, he played a recording of me on a phone talking about buying heroin, because i was curious about how i was caught.